I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
