I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
