I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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