And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
