When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
