Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
