i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
