I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
