I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
