I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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