thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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