i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
