Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
