dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
