I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize