So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize