I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize