Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
