So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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