I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
