We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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