Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
