News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize