I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
