You're completely useless in the revolution.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
