I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
