Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
