I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
