Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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