she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
