haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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