Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Duck Duck Cougar?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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