Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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