clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
