I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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