Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
