Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
