moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
