Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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