I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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