you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
