Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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