but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
