im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize