turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
