So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
