At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
