proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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