here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
