I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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