Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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