I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
