my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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