The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
