literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
