you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
