I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
