just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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