Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
