she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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