i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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