When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
