He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
