Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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