Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i barfeds in our rink
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
