Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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