now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
