You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
