Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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