if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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