I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
