dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
