Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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