look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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